Gift of Sympathy

Rejoice with them that do rejoice,
and weep with them that weep.
Romans 12:15

On June 16 Maggie and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in New York City.   The joy of the occasion was enhanced by the presence of family and friends, who came, in Paul’s words, “to rejoice with them that do rejoice.”  But several members of this group came bearing griefs and sorrows of their own.

I had not seen my younger brother for a number of years, and I was deeply shocked by his appearance, even though my sister-in-law had warned us of the change we should expect.

A Jesuit friend of mine had just had a biopsy to determine whether his cancer had returned, and anxiety was plainly visible on his face, despite his best efforts to enter into the spirit of the occasion.

Finally, someone whom I had taught in high school came all the way from Maine to be with us, despite the unbearable grief of the loss of his only child. 

Joy and sorrow were joined together on that day, as they are joined together in human life. 

While we were in New York someone in our Toronto apartment building died under distressing circumstances.  We returned to Toronto in time for the visitation and were deeply impresed by the number of residents from the building who turned out to support the family of the deceased.  Even in the anonymity of condo existence human sympathy can be found. 

One of the sermons of John Henry Newman is entitled “St. Paul’s Gift of Sympathy,” the gift that we give when we rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.  How different from the cynicism of the proverbial saying, “Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone.”

In the church we should never left alone, either in joy or in sorrow.  I must admit to using sympathy cards when I cannot come up with words of my own to comfort those who have suffered loss.  But I am appalled by the practice of conveying “sympathy on line” by signing a guest book for an obituary notice.  Such a contradiction in terms reflects  how the depersonalization of modern society has infiltrated all our lives. 

To be truly sympathetic towards those rejoicing or sorrowing we need to open our hearts.  While we were in New York we worshiped at the Anglo-Catholic parish where I had been confirmed in 1942.  The feast that was celebrated on that day was the Feast of the Sacred Heart  of Jesus. 

As a Roman Catholic I had difficulty with this devotion, but experiencing it again many years later, I can see how the symbol of Jesus’ love for us can inspire us to radiate this love among those we encounter on life’s path.

back to top

June 28, 2009